Before you invest in a riding mower or garden tractor you might want to ask yourself how you will ever get it to a repair shop and also, how much emotional stress could you endure while working on a machine that was designed along the principle of “planned obsolescence.”

Spring has brought the usual tasks-and kept me away from writing. There are the usual lawn treatments to take care of, leaves to be gathered and burned, a tree or two down in the yard that must be sawn up, new annuals to plant under Karen’s direction and the volunteer time spent doing some of the same chores at our community garden.  

My broken riding mower has complicated matters. Five hundred bucks to replace the spindles on which the mower’s blades turn for starters.  To put it bluntly, I have come to believe a curse has been cast on my Sears lawn mower.  Indiana Jones could not have endured more difficulties and adventures than I have in trying to exorcise this curse.

This has not played out in the shadow of the pyramids or among the ruins of some lost Mayan city but is focused in a very small combat arena-my basement. Here, like Indiana Jones in the film “Temple of Doom”, I have followed steps suggested by a sacred text (my Sears mower manual) and absorbed the wisdom of the prophets and healers on You Tube. All in hopes of breaking this curse.

As Indiana Jones’ father says, when asked about why he has pursued arcane matters of history and archaeology, “Enlightenment” has been his goal.  In my case, the enlightenment I received included busted knuckles, an enduring muscle strain in my left arm, and a recovery of all the profanity I learned in adolescence -words and expressions only suitable if someone robs you of a parking place, or your child’s teacher sends a note suggesting your darling is less than perfect. Fortunately, such exclamations have reached no other ears than my own (I hope).  I have lifted,  bent, crawled and scraped my knuckles as I worked for hours alone in my basement with my dear and new-ish red tractor.

Enlightenment has also come in the form of certain conclusions about my Sears mower (proudly referred to as a “Craftsman Lawn Tractor” in my owner’s manual). First Principle: those who routinely work on such mowing equipment must have attained a spiritual level greater than my own. And second, they must have two elbows on at least one arm, otherwise how did they reach the inner workings of say -the “Engagement (AKA PTO) Cable”, a piece of wire linking a handle to the small pulley that tightens the belt that drives the mower blades. Sounds simple, right?  

As with any ancient text, the manual is a bit short on details and says little about how to tell why your efforts are not paying off. For example, the manual suggests you not use the mower on wet grass. The mower parts are prone to rust and will eventually seize up if they get wet. (You are of course cutting living grass which is made up mostly of water, so that the cable can and does break easily under the stress of forcing rusted pulleys and levers to move).

Tearing the mower deck components apart, I discovered all the metal parts were rusted and frozen to the adjoining metal part, something that could have been prevented by putting grease fittings on the linkage. Of course, there were no such fittings because of a profound and enduring principle of manufacturing: “Planned Obsolescence.” If you design something that will wear out in a prescribed time frame, consumers will have to buy a new one. Durability diminishes profits and the added expense of refinement puts them at a pricing disadvantage when contending with foreign competitors.

You Tube offered dozens of videos showing how to replace the PTO cable. Some are solid and very professional presentations. Some are less so and are replete with strange costumes, chickens grazing among a sea of abandoned lawn mowers and hillbilly music playing loudly in the background. Outdated tin signs advertising beer decorate many of the sets used for repair demonstrations. One of the better sites showed that it had been visited more than 200,000 times, suggesting that tens of thousands of owners of Craftsman riding mowers had attempted to replace a busted PTO cable. Sears! …are you listening?

Spring has come and will soon be gone. My journey to master the Zen of lawn mower repair continues. Meanwhile, its back to my old push mower until I can figure this out and break the spell cast on my beautiful, but difficult to repair, little red tractor.